sex education

SEX EDUCATION By Dr. K. Sohail

2011-12-20T19:56:00.001-08:00

Dear Zeeshan!

When I look back at my teenage years growing up in a conservative Muslim and traditional Pukhtoon culture I realize that such an environment was not conducive towards a healthy attitude towards human sexuality. Most of us grew up ignorant about the subject and were full of feelings of fear, shame and guilt. We could not talk about our sexual feelings with our parents or teachers, as the subject was a taboo. There was no sex education at home or in the school. Adults did not prepare their children to be aware of their choices and make responsible decisions about their sexual lives. Parents believed they knew the best about their children. Many aspects of human sexual relations were considered unnatural, illegal or immoral. It took me a long time of studying medicine and psychology and living in the Western world and enjoying loving relationships to feel comfortable discussing it with my fiends and patients. I consider it as one of the most significant aspects of human relationships.

You have asked me what are the ten things I wish I knew about sex as a teenager. I admire your courage to ask such questions. I hope that you and your friends do not live in the same darkness and with the same inhibitions as I did thirty years ago. I sometimes wonder that in those thirty years, so much and so little has changed.

When I thought about your question the following things came to my mind.
1. It is quite normal for boys to have wet dreams as teenagers.
2. It is quite natural for girls to have menses when they reach puberty.
3. Semen is a secretion not excretion
4. Masturbation is self-pleasuring not self-abuse
5. It is better for all of us to know about male and female sexual anatomy and physiology.
6. It is better for all of us to be aware of different stages of sexual development.
7. Foreplay and after-play is as important as sexual play
8. Mutual orgasm (cuming together) is not the most important part of love-making
9. We should all be knowledgeable about different forms of contraception to experience different forms of sex (to choose between reproductive, relational and recreational sex)
10. We should learn to accept rather than judge others who have different sexual tastes and lifestyles.

Dear Zeeshan! I have no idea what Pakistani parents feel about their children’s sexual lives. Who they think will give them sex education. There seems to be no preparation for accepting the puberty. Boys are not told that when their sexual hormones become active, alongside change in their voice and facial hair, they will also have erotic and sexual dreams which will be associated with nocturnal emission. I think they need to be reassured as it can be quite a scary experience. They have to know it is quite natural and there is nothing to worry about. Reaching puberty can be far more scary for girls than boys, as their menses can start during the day and can last a few days. I met many girls who were terrified when they had their first periods. Some of them had that experience when they were in school. As they were not prepared they did not know what to do. They were terrified, some even felt they were dying. They could not even discuss with their parents as there was no open communication. Many of them were as mystified when bleeding stopped after a few days it had started, not to know that it would return every month. They were also not aware that periods could also be associated with abdominal pain and mood changes. Since girls also have changes in the breasts it can also be embarrassing in front of relatives, friends and class-fellows. Most teenagers need a lot of emotional support and reassurance so that they do not feel abnormal or unclean. In our culture it is usually the opposite. Not only teenagers are not reassured and supported they rather have to face social embarrassment and humiliation. Many make fun of them. Many of them might have acne and other facial changes that they cannot hide. Since many teenagers are sensitive about their looks and body image, such changes make it far more challenging. Many girls like to do make up and wear adult clothes and jewellery identifying with their mothers. It is unfortunate that many parents do not see it as an innocent experimentation, they rather condemn and criticize. It broke my heart to see many parents tell their teenage daughters, ‘ When you do make up, you look like a whore.’ It is so devastating for girls to hear that from their own parents, while they are exploring their own sexuality. It is ironic that parents forget their own teenage years so quickly.

It is also sad that in many Eastern cultures people do not discuss human anatomy and sexual physiology without making reference to religious morality. Everything is discussed as right and wrong, good and bad and teenagers are overwhelmed with the feelings of sin and guilt. Many religions as institutions have great difficulty accepting that sex can be innocent and loving even spiritual. It is presented as unclean and filthy. I was told that after I have wet dreams I could not pray because semen was unclean and I was supposed to take a bath to cleanse myself. Semen is considered an excretion in many Eastern cultures. It took me a long time to discover that it is a secretion not a excretion and that is why in the West it is called love-milk and many women swallow it as part of lovemaking. I met so many Muslims who enjoyed having oral sex but would not kiss their lovers afterwards. When I asked ‘ Why not?’ they said, ‘ Because she had semen in her mouth?’ and when I gently confronted, ‘ It was your semen after-all’ they kept quiet as they were lost for words.

Similarly many teenagers are ill-informed about masturbation. I have read horror stories in the local magazines and digests in Pakistan in which masturbation was associated with all kinds of physical and mental illnesses including blindness and mental retardation. It is also ironic that there are thousands of quacks earning millions of rupees treating those teenagers who are confused about their sexuality. I have not met very many Eastern parents who can give blessing to their teenage children about masturbation. They cannot say ‘ it is a form of self-pleasuring’ rather than self-abuse. Masturbation becomes even more important form of sexual expression in a culture in which young men and women are not allowed to date.

Most teenagers in Pakistan are not familiar with the basic human anatomy and physiology. Many girls are not aware of the relationship between their vaginas, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. They do not know when they ovulate and do not know what function does menses serve. It is unfortunate that there are no words in Punjabi and Urdu to have a serious discussion with teenagers about sex. Many words used for different anatomical parts are slangs and sound vulgar and obscene. One cannot talk about penis, testicles, vagina, clitoris, uterus or orgasm in Urdu and Punjabi as one can talk in English. I think writers and linguists and psychologists and intellectuals have to meet with parents and teachers to coin words and expressions in Urdu that would make it easier for teachers and parents to provide sex education to their teenagers. In my book about Gay and Lesbian literature I had introduced a few expressions to bridge that gap (for example jinsi mairage for orgasm and dehni mubashirat for oral sex). I vividly remember that when I was in grade twelve and we were studying physiology one of our professors once drew the whole reproductive system of rabbit on the blackboard and uttered every word except penis and vagina. He was so inhibited he could not even utter the words. I used to wonder why we had poor role-models and how could those adults help sexually liberate us who were inhibited themselves.

It took me a long time to realize that the word sex has many meanings and can be used for different things. I became aware of it when I learnt about different stages of sexual development and learnt the differences between hermaphrodires, transvestites, transexuals and homosexuals. Many Easterners I met did not know the differences between them and sometimes used them synonomously.

Many teenagers and even male adults do not realize that the act of love making is more than just having sex. I met many women in my clinical practice who complained that their lovers, boyfriends were not sensitive enough to their feelings as they did not pay attention to fore-play and after-play. After they had their orgasm they rolled over and fell asleep. They did not cuddle and hug and hold them before or after making love. They said in a sarcastic way, ‘ For them it is screwing not making love. Slam bang thank you ma’am.’ For many women it is as important to go out for a nice candle light dinner, dance and have pillow talk about intimate things as it is to have intercourse. Many men I met are not tuned into such feelings of their partners.

There is also a lot of misunderstanding about the concept of mutual orgasm. Most couples do not realize that female and male sexual responses are significantly different. Many women take longer to have orgasm. That is why fore-play is very crucial for them to fully enjoy making love. It is interesting to know that most men who come for sex therapy complain of premature ejaculation. They want to reach orgasm later while most women who come for sex therapy complain of having orgasm too late. Men want to cum late and women want to cum early. It is the issue of timing. Many men I see in my practice I encourage them to stimulate their lovers and spouses other than genital stimulation by kissing and touching different parts of the female body so that women are ready to have orgasm before they have intercourse. It is also important for some couples to accept that some women may not always have an orgasm while having intercourse if there is nor enough clitoral stimulation. I think the more young men and women are comfortable with their bodies and are able to stimulate themselves individually to the point of having orgasm, the easier it is for them to enjoy making love. I encourage my patients to learn and enjoy masturbation if they want to enjoy intimate relationships with their lovers and spouses. It is ironic that many women in the East as well as in the West never experienced orgasm. Many men and women do not know that women can have multiple orgasms in a short time and not have to wait a long time before having second orgasm.

Because of lack of sex education many young men and women are not aware of their reproductive system and cannot choose different forms of contraception. Many are not aware about the methods of rhythm method, condoms, intra-uterine devises and contraceptive pill. They do not even know that pregnancy is directly related to ovulation. Since human ovum and sperm are only alive for 24-36 hours it is only a couple of days before and after that women are most likely to get pregnant. Many infertile couples have been trying to conceive but unsuccessful because they are not aware of this basic human physiology. On the other hand many unwanted pregnancies take place because of the same lack of awareness and planning. It is also ironic that in conservative Eastern cultures those contraceptives are not freely accessable to young men and women. I was shocked to find out in my medical school that most medical graduates believed that family planning was against Islam and that is why they did not recommend different forms of contraception to their patients. I met dozens of young women while doing my internship in women’s hospital, who wanted to stop having babies but their husbands did not support them. They did not allow them to take contraceptive pill or use intra-uterine device while they themselves did not use condoms as they believed they did not enjoy sex while wearing a condom.

It is unfortunate that in many traditional and religious cultures sex is only approved for the cause of reproduction. For couples to have sex to express their profound love for each other or just have fun is not accepted and blessed. So couples who have sex not to have babies feel guilty.

Because of the religious control couples are conditioned to have sex only in the bedrooms and only in certain positions (many religious institutions only bless missionary position, when man is on the top). For women to be on the top or have sex in many other possible positions is discouraged. No wonder after a while sexual relationships start to lose its spontaneity and sense of adventure. In the East there is also an issue of privacy. Many couples have to make love in the dark very quietly. They do not want to disturb others. No wonder in such circumstances many men have not seen the naked body of a woman even after being married for a number of years.

Religious institutions usually do not bless sexual experimentation and varied lifestyles. Many consider homosexuality and having more than one sexual partner as sin. They also have double standards. Many things are ok for men but not ok for women. In Muslim countries men can have more than one wife but women cannot have more than one husband.

When I was a teenager there was also no discussion about venereal diseases. No body discussed how men and women contact syphilis, gonorrhea or infectious mononucleosis. In the recent past there is lack of education about AIDS (auto-immune deficiency syndrome). Most young people do not know that AIDS can be contacted with other body fluids (exp blood) and may not necessarily be sexually contacted.

I feel that for young boys and girls, men and women to make adult choices and take responsibility for their actions, they need to be informed about the relationships of sex with pregnancy and venereal diseases. People who have multiple partners have to know the risks they are taking. I was surprised to meet three monogamous women who suffered from syphilis. They had never slept with anyone other than their husbands. They got it from their husbands who were promiscuous. So to be responsible one does not only have to take responsibility for one’s one sexual lifestyle but also for the lifestyle of one’s partner. For such choices we need open and honest dialogue between lovers and spouses and between children and parents and teachers.

I think time has come for the families and communities to create an environment for people to be sexually liberated and enjoy their romantic lives rather being burdened with fear, shame and guilt. I think that rather than associating sex with sin, we should associate it with love and spirituality, which are foundations of healthy loving relationships, families and communities. Sexuality is part of our humanity and we have to accept its responsibility individually and collectively. Sex education, I believe is the first step in that direction.

Affectionately sohail

Sex Education

2011-12-20T19:53:00.001-08:00

As far as it goes most education about sex and reproduction in schools is reasonably good and accurate. But that is damning with very faint praise indeed, as far as it goes, it hardly scrapes the surface of one of the most important subjects any Homo sapiens ever has to learn about.

I would hazard a guess that by the time she leaves school the typical 16 year old girl could draw a hazy diagram of her internal reproductive organs but she would know next to nothing about her external organs, her erogenous zones and what sex is actually all about. Unless she has learned in some other way, from dubious sources.

There is a need to teach sex as we adults know it, not as procreation, but as recreation.

By focussing on the mechanics of sex we are missing the point. Girls need to understand what menstruation is all about, and so do boys, but they also need to know what sex is about, in the real world. For adults most of the time sex is very much removed from reproduction. In my own experience I have had sex something like a hundred times with the conscious view of trying to make a baby, a tiny proportion of the times I have had sex for other reasons.

To teach about sex only in the context of reproduction is ludicrous. Similarly so is teaching about it in moral terms, fornication and the sins of the flesh. Sex has many purposes and many different motivations, many of which are murky, mixed up and hidden from our conscious selves. These multiple motives need to be taught, at least our children need to be told that there are different motivations involved. If these other motivations are not explored children will be left with the interpretations of sin, lust, dirtiness and other sordid and “bestial” explanations.

Why do adults spend so much time and energy involved in sex, in seeking it out, in doing it, in concerning themselves with other people doing it? It is a great mystery which is never explained in school. People develop urges to do these things, instincts, that's all you need to know. That is a very feeble and patronizing answer. Why do we have these instincts? That is never explored.

The explanation for why sex is fun is totally fascinating. So many people just take it as a given that men will want to have sex with women and vice versa, to question why is to be peculiar and twisted. On the contrary. There is nothing obvious about it. The utility of the urge to want to have sex is easily explained in terms of genetic survival, but this does not explain why we want to have sex at times other than when conception is a possibility. Gorillas only have sex when there is the chance of conception, they treat the whole thing in a thoroughly Roman Catholic way, the Pope would be proud of their purity. In contrast the bonobo or pygmy chimpanzee has sex in the way we would make a cup of tea; Oh it's morning, lets celebrate by having sex, there's a lot of food, let's have sex then eat it. Bonobos have sex face to face, back to front, male to female, male to male, female to female and male to palm of the hand, any combination you could think of and probably a couple more as well. Most animals have the more typical functional Roman Catholic approach of seeing sex as being something they do to procreate. Most higher animals do enjoy sex to some degree but they only bother to do it when conception is a strong possibility. Our attitude to sex is very much closer to the bonobo than it is to the more usual mammalian pattern.

All this needs to be explained in school and it isn't, not at all. We are so squeamish about sex that we don't teach our children some very important lessons. One of the most important things we do not teach about is the clitoris.

School textbooks are full of detailed diagrams of fallopian tubes and seminal vesicles but never mention one of the most important bits of kit, the clit.

Understanding sex without understanding the clitoris is like trying to understand music without any reference to rhythm.

The clitoris was not mentioned in any textbook I ever saw in school. A quite shocking omission. If the clitoris is mentioned at all in the education of our young women it will be by women's magazines, who give the impression that it is some mystical object designed for pleasure and unique to our species. This is total nonsense. All mammals have nipples and either a penis or clitoris. The clitoris is formed from the same tissues as the penis. In early foetal development all mammals have the same basic ingredients, sex differentiation happens relatively late and consists of changing relative sizes more than basic structure. A penis is a clitoris that has been enlarged and formed around the urethra, or is it the other way around? Whichever. Both males and females have their sexuality and sexual response based around this common tissue. Trying to understand female sexuality, sexual response and driving a female body responsibly without this basic knowledge is absurd. The clitoris is where it is all at. Ovaries and womb are relatively trivial. But what do we teach our daughters about it? Nothing.

We need to explain to people that there are differences between male and female, which are important, but there are also common features too, which are just as important. Looking at a school textbook if you are lucky you will see a cross-section of the female reproductive organs, showing that there are three, er, openings. And that's it for sex now let's get on with algebra and conjugating verbs. The squeamishness is frightening. We are doing our daughters a tremendous disservice. They need to know how all that stuff works, it is very far from self evident. Girls need to be told what it is all for. They need to learn that the clitoris is there for pleasure, it has no other function. It has reduced in size relative to the penis (which has expanded way beyond the utilitarian requirements of an inseminating nozzle) but has actually increased the number of nerves designed to register touch and generate sexual pleasure. They need to be taught that orgasms are painless and shameless. They need to be taught that dipping a penis repeatedly into the vagina is as sensible a way to guarantee an orgasm as drinking a bottle of wine is to guarantee a good time. It works every time for some few lucky people, but for others it fails every time and for most it is hit and miss.

Both boys and girls need to be taught that female sexual response is supposed to be fickle and unpredictable, for good reason, all female reproductive strategies work better if her responses are opaque, unpredictable and seemingly capricious. All generalizations about human female sexual response are wrong, including those confined to a single female. That is not a misogynist speaking, it is an evolutionist. It might be a bad message to give out but it is true to say that you could have sex with a different woman every day and not find two the same. Perhaps it would be more responsible, and equally true, to say that you could have sex with the same woman every day for the rest of your life and never do it exactly the same way twice. In contrast men are very much more predictable, because they have no reason not to be.

We as a species have developed concealed ovulation, unlike most of our primate relatives we do not advertise our availability and desire to be impregnated by obvious visual changes, scents or behaviours. My wife had turned thirty before she had developed much of a feel for her own fertility and her menstrual cycle. The so called natural methods of contraception based on the fertile periods are very unreliable, it is not for nothing that the rhythm method is widely known as Vatican Roulette, there is a very strong evolutionary imperative behind concealed ovulation. You should not expect to be able to defeat several hundred thousand years of evolution with a thermometer and notepad. There are conflicting explanations for why concealed ovulation occurs but the fact that it does is obvious. Farmers can way up the fertility of their cattle and pigs with no difficulty, but that expertise deserts them when they return to the marriage bed. We are not supposed to have sex for conception, we are supposed to have sex for social and relationship reasons, conception is in many ways a by-product of human sexuality.

Did they teach me any of this stuff in school? Of course not. Nothing was mentioned about why sex is fun, why we do it, why we want to do it. If we did teach our children this we would probably be doing them a favour. When sex is taught either as reproduction or as theology we miss the most important aspects of it. Sex is for cementing relationships between men and women, not exclusively, but that is the biggest single factor. Sex needs to be taught in this light. We should not be teaching our children about sex in just relation to babies, or contraception, or avoidance of AIDS, primarily we need to teach about sex in relation to marriage. That is what it is all about. Sex cements a partnership. Sex is fun because our genes want marriage to work, they need good partnerships in order to bring up children properly. We need sex education because we need sex because we need education.

As a species we need a long childhood to develop the brains and the social and mechanical skills we need to be successful generalist survivors who survive by adaptive specialization. To allow us to maintain a functional social system we need marriage and families. Man has always been primarily, but not exclusively, monogamous, it is a strategy that works for us. Without stable family structures our children are not brought up properly and so are misfits. The trauma of slavery and emancipation into poverty has had tremendous repercussions on the black people of America and the Caribbean, these negative repercussions still continue to echo through the generations because of the powerful effect on the family. Many black men grow up without either a father or any positive male role model of any kind, which helps to perpetuate a cycle of struggling single parent families and suboptimal socialization. Nothing will destroy a society faster than a collapse in the basic structure of the family and the heart of the family is healthy marital sex.

Teach your sons to respect themselves, their women and their society. Teach your daughters to respect themselves and to enjoy sex. The key to happy families is not the virgin bride's hymen, but the good wife's clitoris.

Sex Education,

2011-12-20T19:52:00.001-08:00

Parents should be the child’s first teachers in this, as in all other fields of education. When the child does begin to ask questions he should be given simple, honest, dignified, and sufficient answers. Even more depends upon the manner and behavior of the mother and father than upon the actual information given. If the child sees that his mother is interested, that she treats his inquiries with respect and answers them gladly, the foundation is laid for a cleanliness of mind which should persist and safeguard the child throughout life.

One who is put off with subterfuge or with palpable evasion, or more especially one who is summarily silenced, may not return again with his question but will probably later find a readier informant in some sophisticated companion of the street, school, or kitchen If these natural questions are disregarded or evaded the child is quick to color his own concepts in the same way. He soon discovers that there are certain subjects whom grown-up persons will not talk with him about, his curiosity is stirred, and he will not rest until he has found some sort of an answer to his questions. The tragedy of this building of reserve between child and parent appear^ not so much in these early years as 5 or 10 years later, when the protection and guidance of parents through the critical years of adolescence are so sorely needed but may be neither sought nor offered.The child’s first questions are almost sure to be as to where babies come from, and all mothers can answer this question honestly and directly by saying that the baby came from mother. Then if he pursues the subject he should be told that babies of all kinds, such as colts, lambs, kittens, rabbits, or puppies (using whatever illustration is most familiar to the child), as well as human babies, must have a warm, quiet place to stay while they are very little and so the mother keeps the baby in a nice little home, or nest, or room, under her heart, where no harm can come to him until he is strong enough to live outside. If a new baby is expected in the family or in a neighboring family this will afford the best sort of an opportunity to tell the child what a mother is and how careful they must be of her while the new baby is growing. In this first period, when the child’s awakening curiosity embraces every fact which comes under his observation and when it is easiest to guide him into a clean and healthy view of all physical manifestations of life, it is important to begin to instill habits of personal cleanliness. Incidental to the bath the mother may mention that the sex organs must not be handled except to wash them, adding, if necessary, that boys and girls who play with their sex organs may not grow up as strong and healthy as they should.

Such hygienic advice should be given plainly and simple”, without unnecessary stress and without opening the way for argument or discussion, and especially’” without rousing the child’s curiosity and leaving him unsatisfied. To avoid embarrassing situations the mother should make it plain from the first that it is not good manners to talk about these things with anyone except mother or father, explaining that other people will not be as much interested nor as well able to tell him what he wants to know; also that it is better to ask questions when one is alone with father or mother rather than at the table or when other people are about.

A Brief History of Asthma By Tom Alter

2011-12-20T19:49:00.001-08:00

Asthma is a disease that has been mentioned in medical history over and over again. So it can aptly be termed as an ancient disease. It is not right therefore to term it as a disease that is only a resultant of modern day lifestyle. But definitely there is an increase in number of asthma cases over the last few years. This is obviously attributed to the increase in number of pollutants in the atmosphere. The term asthma comes from Greek language, the original word panos meaning to pant or to breathe with an open mouth.

The Greek people respected the panos as they considered their condition to be a visit from Gods. In the first century AD Aretaeus, a Greek physician made an observation that the women were more susceptible to asthma than men. He said that the men had more chances of dying from it. And also, that the children had better chances of complete recovery from the disease. In the second century AD Galen, the consulting physician to many Roman emperors described asthma to be a seizure-like disease of the lungs. He also correctly observed that asthma was a disease caused by blockade of the bronchial tubes.

    In 1552 Archbishop Hamilton of Saint Andrews, who was suffering with asthma for a long time was treated by a famous physician of his era. His name was Girolamo Cardano. He gave the Archbishop a complete new routine replete with exercise and diet. He also was known to have removed a leather pillow and large feather bed from the Archbishop’s bedroom. All this gave immediate relief to the Archbishop from his lifelong illness and gave much fame and acclaim to the physician. This hugely popular success story was perhaps the first reported case of usage of environmental controls in the treatment of asthma.

    Van Helmont, the famous physician who suffered from asthma was the doctor who established a clear link between asthma and smoke and irritants. He compared asthma to epilepsy like attacks. He also wrote that asthma originated in the pipes of the lungs. Thomas Siddenheim compared the asthmatic condition to be a disease of the lungs wherein the bronchial tubes were all stuffed up. In the year 1830 Eberle made an observation of asthma being associated with heredity and infection. Eberle treated the patients with bloodletting, inducing vomiting with opium and instructing them to smoke stramonium leaves.

    In 1835 when Laennec invented the stethoscope the research on asthma took a giant leap. The doctors could now clearly hear the classic symptom of wheezing. In 1850 Gerhardt mentioned in his writings that asthma can be triggered by chemical odours, strong perfumes and changes in temperature and humidity. Now the physicians were really making headway into the right directions in diagnosing and treating asthma. There were clear indications of the disease having a clear connection with allergens.

    In 1864 Dr. H. Salter discovered that animal dander could trigger asthma. There were many more researches in this field of establishing asthma to be closely related to certain allergens. For many years then asthma was still an enigma for the doctors because sometimes it was evident that it had a clear genetic connectivity and on other occasions it was clearly indicative of being allergic in nature.

    By 1900 it was also established that asthma and hay fever were closely related disorders. Since the confusion regarding the disease was still heavily prevailing, many doctors also started predicting the disease to be purely a psychosomatic disorder. Many of the studies of the earlier twentieth century were focussed on this. This kind of mindset was actually very hampering to the advancement in researches in the field. The discoveries that happened also were sidetracked because of this popular belief. It was much later that it was finally proved beyond all doubt that asthma was a physical illness that was totally governed by physical reasons and was not really a disease having its origin in the mind.

    In the later part of the twentieth century there was considerable advancement in the field of research pertaining to asthma. This was possible because of multiple advancements in science and technology, including the progress in the field of genetics. With major discoveries in the field of allergies it was clearly established that asthma was triggered off in many allergic people because of allergens and not heredity.

The field of asthma research was finally reaching new horizons and various hoaxes associated with the disease were broken one after the other. Also with the advancement in technology came many more lifestyle diseases and some kinds of asthma were also established to be associated with the hazards of modern day living and occupational exposure to many kind of allergens.

    Now the doctors have varied knowledge about asthma and can very effectively diagnose, treat and control the disorders in people from all age groups. This has given new hope to millions of people all across the globe who get diagnosed with the disease almost on a daily basis.

Sex Education For Women: What Girls Can Learn From Porn

2011-12-20T19:46:00.001-08:00

Women are the porn industry’s fastest growing audience. Hey, we like to watch. But do you find the thought of watching a porn flick as daunting as watching yourself in the three-way mirrors as you try on swimsuits in January? Here’s an idea of what to expect:

Pretty penises? Fuggetaboutit. You won’t find exceptionally attractive dicks in flicks. Men are cast for their staying power, not necessarily their looks. Need proof? Two words: Ron Jeremy.

Female orgasms: Seems like the one thing women agree on is that porn flicks are way more stimulating if the woman having all the fun is actually having fun. We can tell if she’s faking it, even if men can’t.

Gay porn: Men like to watch two women together; why can’t women like to watch two men go at it? The men in gay porn flicks are usually better looking than in straight porn, but beware the circle jerk scenes. For the most part, women just aren’t that interested in seeing multiple cum shots up close and in slow motion.

Urban legend, suburban myth: Guess what? A lot of women just aren’t that interested in the plot. The acting’s not Oscar quality and neither are the screenplays, for that matter. Just move along and get to the good stuff! There’s a reason Zane’s novels are some of the best-selling erotic fiction in the United States; she’s down and dirty in a hurry.

Audio erotic: Sure you can relax to the sounds of bubbling brooks and singing whales, but for a different kind of tension relief, try the sounds-of-sex CDs now on the market. They’re perfect for getting your engines going on your iPod headset. Do you hear what I hear?

2011-12-19T08:43:00.001-08:00

Effective school-based sex education

2011-12-19T08:19:00.003-08:00

School-based sex education can be an important and effective way of enhancing young people's knowledge, attitudes and behaviour. There is widespread agreement that formal education should include sex education and what works has been well-researched. Evidence suggests that effective school programmes will include the following elements:

A focus on reducing specific risky behaviours;
A basis in theories which explain what influences people's sexual choices and behaviour;
A clear, and continuously reinforced message about sexual behaviour and risk reduction;
Providing accurate information about, the risks associated with sexual activity, about contraception and birth control, and about methods of avoiding or deferring intercourse;
Dealing with peer and other social pressures on young people; providing opportunities to practise communication, negotiation and assertion skills;
Uses a variety of approaches to teaching and learning that involve and engage young people and help them to personalise the information;
Uses approaches to teaching and learning which are appropriate to young people's age, experience and cultural background;
Is provided by people who believe in what they are saying and have access to support in the form of training or consultation with other sex educators.
Formal programmes with these elements have been shown to increase young people's levels of knowledge about sex and sexuality, put back the average age at which they first have sexual intercourse and decrease risk when they do have sex. All the elements are important and inter-related, and sex education needs to be supported by links to sexual health services, otherwise it is not going to be so effective. It also takes into account the messages about sexual values and behaviour young people get from other sources, like friends and the media. It is also responsive to the needs of the young people themselves - whether they are girls or boys, on their own or in a single sex or mixed sex group, and what they know already, their age and experiences.

What Kids Should Learn In Sex Education

2011-12-19T08:19:00.001-08:00

Debates go on and on as to whether to teach children about safe sex or to influence them toward sexual abstinence as they go through their young adulthood life. While several groups and advocates still can’t make up their minds, there are some basic things kids and teenagers have to know first.

First off, kids have to be taught about their sexuality and the body parts that are gender specific. It is also important to teach them what changes they can expect in the near future or when they reach the puberty stage. Teaching them the roles and functions of each body part will also serve as a good framework in teaching them about the reproduction process.

Young kids are likely to ask how they were born and how they came to be. These are good signals as to when parents can introduce to their kids about the reproduction system and the process of conception. Depending upon their ages, parents can thoroughly explain every stage and what exactly happens in each of them.

And once it is clear to the children the idea of how babies came to be, the concepts of love, courtship, and intimacy come next. These concepts anticipate the child’s social interactions, mostly to the persons of the opposite sex. It is okay to tell children that some emotions are normal. An open communication between child and parent is necessary, especially when they reach this point. Children past the puberty stages are expected to undergo first hand experiences about relationships. Parental guidance is very important.

Teenagers past the age of puberty will already have well-developed bodies and are most of them are likely to go out in dates and other social gatherings. This is actually where the debate as stated previously needs to be settled. And the only persons who can decide which is best for their children are their own parents. If parents feel that abstaining from sexual relations at an early age is best for their kids, it is imperative that the value of doing so is inculcated in them. If on the other hand, they favor the use of contraceptives, they should always be there to explain why and when they should be used.

Sex education does not necessarily have to be taught in one go. It is a gradual and evolving process, mostly to make sure that what parents teach their children are up to the times and are highly accurate. The schools and the community the children belongs to are now actively participating in the process of teaching young adults about sexual health. Parents are not alone anymore in tackling this rather difficult and awkward topic. Then again, it is still the parents’ responsibility and the teenager’s duty to make sure that they receive and accept only the right information about it.

Why You Should Teach Your Children About Sex

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A lot of people, and even cause-oriented groups, believe that children should be taught about sex and their sexuality in an early age. But as kids, what really is in it for them? How can you gain from it as parents? And what good does sex education can give to your children?

Sex education is a very important subject that every child has to be aware of. The concept of the child’s sexuality needs to be inserted sometime in their life, most preferably before they reach puberty. And it does not only prepare them for the adult life ahead. It also makes them a better person with the right values in the process.

Schools have now adapted sex education to become part of their curriculum. This is how important the subject has been since it is first introduce several years back. Today, all schools take it as part of their duty to provide every student the right information about sex and to inculcate in them the right beliefs, attitudes, and ideas about their identity, sexuality, and intimacy.

But sex education is not all about relationship and intercourse. Teaching it also includes the stages of a person’s physical development, his body image, gender roles, and even his emotions. It is the topic that teaches the younger ones about how they came to be, the way they are expected grow, and their ability to reproduce offspring themselves.

Another important point why sex education needs to be taught to children is to make them aware of the things that will happen within themselves and their social world. Sex education will take away the ignorance that can lead young adults to commit errors in their judgments as far as coupling and sexual interaction are concerned. With proper sex education, the incidence of teen pregnancy and irresponsible parenthood can be controlled.

Sex education will not only enrich the minds of your children. It will also boost their confidence and self-esteem, which consequently, a lot of youngsters seem to lose as they enter puberty. Those without adequate learning about the changes happening in their bodies end up being either afraid or confused about the situation they are facing. And if this dilemma is not addressed right away, the child may grow up shy and intimidated amidst other people.

With all these said, it is a must that sex education start at home. Parents should take it upon themselves to inform their children in a subtle and low-key manner what sex and sexuality is all about. This is quite fitting, as almost all children tend to be very curious about themselves and the world they live in. And surely at one point in their life, they are going to ask a lot of questions about themselves and the things around them. As parents, you should take that as an opportunity to introduce sex education to your kids.

Sex Education for Kids

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Kids eight years old and below are supposed to learn something about sexuality. They need not know everything right then and there, but they sure require satisfactory answers to their questions. Kids of this age are naturally curious and they must have decided to throw at least one at their parents. But unfortunately, not all parents are there for their kid’s inquiries. Some kids may have only one parent. Some have none at all. And more sadly, some have at set of parents who fails to understand what it means to give their children the right amount of attention.
But whichever the case, kids here are the different things kids aged 3 to 8 years old have to learn about sex and their sexuality:

1. Boys and girls are different. There are certain body parts that are exclusive to boys and there are parts that only girls have. Basically, they are called the reproductive organs. And because they are still kids, these body parts are not yet fully developed. But as they begin to grow, several changes are expected. These changes are normal, and so there’s no need to be afraid.

2. Puberty is the start of adulthood. The changes are going to be apparent as one enters into puberty. The exact age of puberty cannot be determined as it varies from one person to another. Some kids enter into it as early as 8 years old. But generally, it happens between 10 to 12 years of age. At which point, the body suddenly grows very fast.

3. Basic Changes In Boys. Boys tend to grow 4 inches taller in a matter of just a year. And to complement this growth, their shoulders starts to widen and their bodies become a lot muscular as well. Their voice suddenly becomes deeper. Their genitals are enlarged too. Pubic hair will start to grow and mustache is expected. Boys would also experience spontaneous erections at this point.

4. Basic Changes in Girls. Girls will develop during puberty as well. Girls usually gain a little bit more weight and their hips starts to widen. Their breasts will begin to develop too. In two years time, girls are going to have their regular menstrual cycle. Girls, and boys too for that matter, will begin to notice acnes developing in their faces.

5. Emotional changes. Because hormones cause these changes, emotional changes are also anticipated. Emotional outbursts, confusion, the feeling of being sad and alone, very strong emotions, and mood changes all happen. These are but normal. But just the same, if any of these emotions seems to be out of proportion, it is always good to consult with a health professional.